Fuck the System

Recently I have been thinking more and more about society as a whole, I do give credit to my sociology lessons and the issues of the raise in tuition fees making far more aware than I was before of how much I... dislike our current government. Reading through all the news reports of it astounds me to see how much information the media seems to leave out in order to portray students as those who are violent youths rather than the whole story, although it doesn't surprise me they did, it's just the amount the media does leave out which shocked me. So much for freedom of speech.
In sociology my teacher used a phrase in which we are described as "puppets on a string" being manipulated by all the powerful social institutions, such as the government in order to all control us, and force us into conforming.  I believe that we have no free will, they've conditioned everyone to believe we all have a choice and that the choice we happen to be making is our own, yet how can we be certain? We are all shaped by society, even those who rebel have been shaped to want to go against anything that is seen to be conformist in order not to. So how do we know what we truly want?  And why is it we are enabling these institutions to spoon feed us all this capitalist bullshit? In today's society we are taught to believe we have more freedom than ever before, but everything we do, the choices we make have all been influenced by the system we all live by.
If I have to be shaped by society I'll be taking the rebellious road, at least in that sense I won't feel like another mindless robot bowing down to this countries capitalist situation. 

Me :) 

I haven't written in a while as I've been extremely busy.
Yesterday was the third of the many more student protests, and I'm extremely proud to say that I've been to every single one! The police were ridiculously violent, and for the first couple of hours the protest split up in order t avoid being kettled! It was hilarious!
Towards the end though it was starting to get more and more violent with one girl being beaten and having to be hospitalised! It was an utter disgrace, I ended up in A and E with a deep cut on my finger, almost cutting the tendon! Ahh but despite that I really enjoyed myself, it feels lovely to be able to at least try and stand up for my rights! Quite a few photo's of me scattered arounf on Flickr and I was on BBC news, screaming at the police "SHAME ON YOU!"

We have to fight to win this, I won't be intimidated by the police's brutality!

Terrible end to a rather good weekend. On Friday I saw Harry Potter and it was absolutely amazing although I cried so much towards the end :(  Afterwards my friend was holding a party at her house so of course got stupendously drunk, stayed up all night and all the rest! I only arrived home today, and everything was just a  typical Sunday afternoon, lots of sleep and stress and homework. However, my mother, as always got drunk and following a family argument we had during the summer, had yet another argument with my grandmother(her mother). Whilst trying to grab the phone off of her in order to stop it, she kicked me in the stomach, but she apologised to me later on. It was so horrible to watch, her crying on my shoulder about how she had no family left and I feel guilty because I partly started this whole argument began because this summer my my aunt made a snide comment after having been horrible for the time we had been there. It was bound to happen at some point, but I can't help but feel guilty and blame myself. I'm being such so depressing recently. D:

Been an odd past few days. Yesterday was fucking horrible, had to pay a visit to the counsellor and now have to see her a few more times due to my sleep problems. Apparently problems with sleeping are always caused by other troubles etc that you may be having. Gahhhh. Talking about my so called "problems" is not going to be an easy task, I laugh when I'm nervous...
Today was pretty mediocre, just another typical day at college. Although I cannot wait for tomorrow, it's going to be absolutely amazing. Going to see Harry Potter straight after school so I've decided upon wearing my HP cloak to school, and need to rummage around to find my HP glasses I used to own... Hmm could be a bit of a problem as my room is, as always, a right old mess! Then perhaps some party, although I'm not entirely sure where it's going to be held and so on as the organisation as been terrible, however yay :D Let the weekend commence.
Oh and guess who graces us with their beautiful presence tonight on TV? Yup that's right, Nathan from Misfits :D

What is about Come Dine With Me...

that makes itself so utterly therapeutic to watch?
Even I can see I've reached new lows when I  have to stoop to watching Come Dine With Me while eating chocolate cake, but hey, we can't all have thousands of pounds to splash out on retail therapy as I would, in some cases, prefer.

16th November

Today has been to say the least dreadful. Listening to the Pogues however really cheers me up
My lessons today were such a bore which is so unusual for the topics I take, that being Sociology, English Literature, French and Philosophy. I had a 9-5 and with only around four hours sleep last night I've just wanted to collapse in my bed. However I have been prevented from doing so as my aunt, who I'm not exactly... partial to her. I've been feeling lousy all evening and I went on one of my feminist rants(lol I know), and my dad called me a lezzer. I burst into tears although I'm not quite sure whether it was out of fear of him finding out his statement may very well be partly true, or that I turned bright red out of embarrassment and I felt like I betrayed myself. It also doesn't help my parents keep talking about my granddad incessantly who passed away a bit over a year ago, and the fact I cannot sleep properly. It's like a recipe for at least a day's worth of depression. Gosh listen to me going all "emo", please do pardon me for I honestly feel like this lack of sleep is getting to me. It's like what is said in Fightclub - the film however I have read the novel - "When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake." Which pretty much sums up insomnia in one. Too sum up I'm in an utterly shite mood. 

Charlotte xo

15th November

So today I had a day off college(woo go me!)  I decided to take a visit to my old secondary school to see a few friends of mine, as despite the fact my school was an absolute hell hole and helped develop my hate of man kind, I did surprisingly make a few good friends. I say surprisingly because what I felt towards a large proportion of the schools population was extreme contempt and this increasingly showed throughout my years of staying at that school. To be fair I'm from London and throwing me into a secondary school in  Essex was probably not the best of ideas from my parents for despite the fact Essex and London are rather close, there is a clear distinction between the people. That being most Essex people until about 16 are small minded, arrogant and do not welcome people who seem "different" to them.
The day's events were not particularly interesting, I saw a couple of friends and many people who hate me.  My friend who is an amazing photographer, Robert Hillman took a wonderful few photo's of me, one of which you can see!

The funniest incident being one girl who I shall name "L" who hates me for reasons being that I may have had not quite what you would call an affair with her boyfriend,, but something to that effect. In my defence all I can is that I really, truly felt for him more than anyone else so far in my pretty short life, and while I cannot say I was in love for him as I'm so young, let's just say it's the most amount of love I've ever felt for anyone before. I honestly never meant to hurt the girl, I was just in too deep I suppose.
So today as follows she walked into the sixth form common room and saw me, immediately her face dropped and she clutched her boyfriends hand and they walked out. This of course ensued in piles of laughter from me and my friends who found it rather hilarious she's been able to keep a grudge on me for almost two years, without wanting to hear my version of the events. Ten minutes later me and my friend walked to the toilet and she was in the corridor with her friend, the hilarious part is, that same friend may have also gotten that same girls boyfriend to cheat on her with him so the looks we got were magnificent, to say the least.
Aside from that nothing much more interesting happened during my day. So goodbye until my next post!

 xo

My first post, it's four o'clock in the morning and it's the middle of London yet everything is wonderfully still and silent. I'm pondering the meaning for the creating of this blog, I'm hoping that by writing at least one post a week I shall be able to develop my writing in an attempt to further my attempts at becoming a journalist however disillusioned a career path that may seem. But everyone has dreams, and I shall have mine.
I recently found an old, favourite quote from a book I'd been obsessed with for a long period of time who's name I have now forgotten but the quote is, "Like all intelligent people, she functions very well in extreme disorder," and I smiled. The nostalgia that one quote can instil within me is quite extraordinary.

But anyway, enough of my ramblings and off to bed to ponder upon the direction of this blog. Any thoughts upon the matter would be hugely welcome.